Rejection is painful! The feelings of dependency and rejection are agonising! Early rejection, when one’s basic needs are not addressed, can result in later neediness and codependency. Over the course of a lifetime, significant and insignificant experiences accumulate to produce self-doubt about one’s worthiness, and so insecurity is created. Emotional pain, on the other hand, has a neurological foundation. The amygdala and other emotional regions of the brain of a youngster who has been ignored, abandoned, or left alone become overwhelmed with strong emotions that remain unresolved.
Certain nervous persons have never understood what it is to feel secure and to know that the people they care about will be there for them. Like a result, when they mature and encounter someone who satisfies their inherent desire to be loved, they attempt to cling to him or her as a kid does to a comfort blanket. Extreme patterns of behaviour, whether via frantic clutching or by maintaining a wall between oneself and others, can become a driving force in the life of an insecure individual. Desperate love can deteriorate into worry, wrath, and then into outright hatred.
Fear states can result in a lack of faith in oneself, others, and, in certain cases, God. There is the possibility of self-abandonment. Because the youngster perceives that others have abandoned them, they abandon themselves. At times, little infants may feel so dejected and powerless that they give up on themselves, resulting in a personality split. Giving up on oneself, in my opinion, is the ultimate form of abandonment. A component of the Inner Child technique’s therapeutic process is reconnecting with this aspect of the psyche that abandoned the self and performing a forgiveness ritual quotes about being desperate collected by Reneturrek.com will give a better idea.
Robert Scaer, neurologist and trauma expert, is the author of The Body Bears. The Burden outlines illnesses and medical treatments that contribute to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Abandonment difficulties are frequently undiagnosed but manifest themselves in frantic, clingy, and needy behaviour. There can be an inordinate amount of time and energy wasted on the question “Why, why, why has another person left them?” rather than realising that other people do not stick around to suit their particular demands but have their own journeys to complete.
This uneasy void within that confuses love with unmet early dependent cravings can manifest in a variety of ways. Several ways in which the insecure attachment style creates difficulties in relationships and manifests itself later in life include the following:
- Severe anxiety about being alone, requiring spouses and children to act as “emotional security blankets.” (I am incapable of self-care. I require the assistance of others to alleviate my excessive anxiety. You must be present when I am enraged or I will rage!) Occasionally, these furious behaviours, in combination with other harmful tendencies, constitute a diagnostic category known as Borderline Personality Disorder.
- Irrational panic attacks, dread of dying, and anxiety of losing a loved one. (Do not abandon me; without you, I am nothing.)
- Requires people to listen to irrelevant details about one’s life and shares an excessive amount of personal, intimate information and sentiments. (Because you do not comprehend, I must explain.)
- Repeatedly falling in frantic, insane love with a companion who is unavailable. (“I suppose I should admit it; I’m hooked to love.”)
- Desperate, desperate love attachments that make unrealistic demands on the affirmation of their spouse. (You must pay attention to my emotions, as my parents did not! You must attend to my anxiousness, jealousy, and insecurity.)
- When left alone, phobic-like behaviours and separation anxiety occur. (Because I panic when left alone, you must accompany me.)
- Unresolved grieving difficulties associated with an unwillingness to let go of deceased loved ones. (I am unable to continue without you.)
- Remaining in unhealthy or violent relationships. (Even if you mistreat or abuse me, I am unable to leave because I “love” you so much.)
Whether you are a man or a woman, neediness puts a strain on relationships. Abandonment concerns may be handled by doing a self-assessment and making objectives to develop into a self-sufficient, mature individual. It is necessary to face inconsolable losses. This is profound inner work that establishes a connection between you and your True Self. The following are some developmental mind/body/spirit exercises for those who recognise they were reared in an unsafe environment and now feel dependent and unworthy:
- To overcome the fundamental notions that one is unlovable, worthless, and undeserving. (Psychological Reversals are unchangeable basic beliefs that prevent you from recovering.)
- To forgive oneself for being excessively needy and acting on bad desperate thoughts.
- To drain out the yucky stuff that accumulates when individuals withdraw and come to grips with life’s inequities.
- To develop the ability to manage distressing emotions and transition into rational thought.
- To understand that solitude is not only acceptable, but necessary for striking a balance between being with people and being alone in one’s own company.
- To recognise that nothing and no connection in the world are permanent. Loss is a natural part of life.
- To engage in deep breathing exercises in order to re-establish one’s grounding and to be present in one’s body during times of distress.
- To rediscover one’s sense of security in an indifferent and dangerous world.
- To meet one’s emotional needs for care, validation, and affection.
- To establish a connection between the intellect and heart in order to foster congruence through good intention.
Abandonment difficulties must be identified for what they are: ingrained fear beliefs resulting from traumatic incidents in your childhood in which your fundamental needs for safety and connection to loving people were not supplied. By requiring people to satisfy your emotional demands and provide tranquilly for you, you irritate them and make them want to flee. In the long run, you alone are accountable for unsatisfied psychological requirements.
Trauma is not negotiable. Occasionally, discussing it triggers feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, resulting in retraumatization. A more comprehensive approach is required to work through repressed emotions contained in the body. The amygdale, the primary fear area of the brain, becomes overexcited and reactive. The amygdala secretes the stress hormones cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine in response to stress and trauma. Trauma-reduction approaches reintroduce us to the prefrontal cortex, the thinking, reasoning, problem-solving side of our brain. Energy psychology and other mind-body techniques assist in calming the amygdala and limbic centres of the brain, which are responsible for emotion activation.
What then helps with those ingrained feelings of unworthiness and unlovability? We are composed of a physical body, a mental state, and a spiritual state. Trauma can be reduced through mind-body techniques that aid in the healing process. You can learn to perform the Emotional Freedom Technique, Collarbone Breathing, Tapas Acupressure Technique, The Healing Code, visual imagery, and Thought Field Therapy on yourself. Rapid Eye Recovery, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Mindfulness Training, Hakim, Somatic Experiencing, and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy all require the assistance of a skilled therapist. Visit the Association for Energy Psychology’s therapist directory or use Google to search for therapists in your area and review their profiles and specialisations.